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The Simpsons/Season 34

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The Simpsons: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 | Movie Crank calls


The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

Helen Lovejoy: I've noticed lately that people have been putting up quite a few little DIY free libraries all over town.
Homer [to Marge] What's DIY stands for?
Lisa: Do it yourself.
Homer: I'm trying to, but I can't.
Homer: Mmm...jelly legs.
Male Hacker: Attention corporate overlords, we are Psuedo-Nonymous and we have taken over this broadcast. We are the anarchist collective of nameless hacktivists who published the internal emails of Waffle House, and brought Home Depot's 'Find a store near you' feature to its knees.
Female Hacker: Now we have hacked into the Disney corporation's servers and seized hundreds of thousands of hours of never-before-aired footage from the television show, "The Simpsons". Stories so ill-conceived, so idiotic, so controversial, so cringeworthy, so disturbing, so upsetting, so politically correct, so unwatchable, that their exposure will destroy the value of the very IP itself.
Male Hacker: Until we are paid a ransom of $20 Million in Bitcoin, we will air these show-destroying scenes one after another, starting now.

[The Truth About Lenny]
Carl: No, no, it can't be true!
Homer: It is true, Carl, there never was a Lenny.
[Lenny fades away.]
Carl: So, Lenny was just a figment of my imagination, I...I made him up?
Moe: Yeah, your psyche created "Lenny" to help you deal with a terrible trauma there.
Carl: What trauma?
Homer: Finding out your previous best friend isn't real, it's kind of a thing with you.
Carl: Huh. Hey, I've never seen you around before. I'm Carl, what's your name? (Steven appears.) Nice to meet you, Steven.
Moe: Aw crap, here we go again.

Male Hacker: Now you see we mean business, Disney. You will submit 20 Million in Bitcoin to our crypto wallet at the following address.
Female Hacker: Until the payment arrives, we'll keep playing these nonsensical clips no one was ever meant to see.

[Homer is mowing the lawn when Flanders opens his window]
Ned: I wouldn't mean to be unneighborly but would you know what happened to my old nostril skirt?
Homer: Mustache, you say? Hmm, let me think? Stroking this goatee I've always had... stroking stroking.
Ned: That's it!
[he throws a necklace with a cross on it out the window, angrily]
Ned: Boys, we're Jewish now.
Rodd: L'chaim!
Todd: To life!
Krusty: I blame cancel culture.

Mrs. Gumble: [to Barney] Have fun playing in the gutter!

Barney Gumble: It's floating. It's still floating! This is fun to me. I love you, paper boat!

Krusto: I'm Krusto, the funniest clown in the whole wide world.
Barney: Uh, people who have to tell you they're funny usually aren't can I get my boat back, sewer clown?.
Lisa: I'll sleep when I'm nine.
Nelson: Remember that principal we arrested for matricide?
Lisa: [gasps] Skinner killed his mother?
Nelson: No, mattress-cide. He ripped the tag off his mattress.

Ralph: The church is eating me.
Nelson: From up here the wads look like ants.
Moe: Hey, you wanna drop pickled eggs on 'em?
Nelson: Sure! [Moe hands Nelson a jar of pickled eggs to drop on people]
Moe: Yeah, Duff lets me use their blimp 'cause I buy up all the booze that the employees drown in.
Nelson: Pretty sweet for a couple of scuzzes.
Moe: Yeah, it's a big world down there, kid. And when its back is turned, you can steal anything you want from it. [Looks down as Nelson continues to drop the eggs] Ooh, that egg just hit a cop's horse. Floor it, Jimmy! Floor it!
[Jimmy revs the blimp and hightails it away from danger]
Rod, Todd: I found a pregnancy test. Yay!
Carl: Don't talk about Moe's. Don't talk about Moe's.
[At home, Bart is scolded by Homer and Marge for defacing library books]
Marge: Thanks to your little prank, 25 library books were ruined. Haven't we told you that books are precious?
Homer: I'm afraid to count how many times I've said that.
Bart: No, you weren't even there. I was just trying to make it fun for the kid. You never take my side.
Homer: Side? Get a load of this kid with a side. [Angrily scolding Bart] How dare you defend yourself? You are the destroyer!
Marge: Yes, that's it. The destroyer. You ruin everything, even our holiday picture.
Homer: There's no such thing as Christmas fangs! I had to wear a scarf to midnight mass.
Marge: I don't have a moment when I'm not worried about what you'll do next. I can't I ju I can't
Homer: Babe, babe, tag me in. I can take him. [leaps over the bed] Destroyer. Our house is filled with unexploded pranks. Any toilet seat could be covered in superglue.
Lisa: [enters the bedroom] Bart put hot dog water in the ice maker. He's the destroyer!
Homer: I just told him that.
Lisa: Good. [puts the glass on the floor]
[SHL licks the glass]
Homer: Ten years as your father has left me empty. Like an orange soda bottle at a picnic sticky and covered with dying bees! I'm just I c I can't
Marge: Babe, babe. Okay, punishments. What's your least favorite vegetable?
Bart: Swiss chard.
Marge: You're looking at a whole lot of swiss chard sandwiches, buster.
Homer: And you're never allowed to read a book again!
[The Simpsons are eating dinner, but Homer tries to take a pork chop and Bart grabs it with the hand glove grabber stick]
Homer: You know the rules, boy. In this house, I get the first shower and the last pork chop.
[edit]
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