Change Your Image
The-Strid
Hello_Strid@proton.me
Email any suggestions or thoughts. I'll even chat about movies or answer questions asking why I rated a movie the way I did. I know I'm frequently curious about others' ratings. In short, though, I am bored. If you email me, be sure to check your spam folder if you don't see a reply from me.
I am a male.
I am a GEN X-er born in 73.
I am a KEK. (if you have to look that up, you will be horrendously mis-informed by normie media and I will laugh AT you.)
I prefer camp because it is uniquely wide open in its creativity.
I prefer fantastical voyages into absurdism because I am a true believer in existentialistic philosophy. That is, YOU need to create your own understanding of reality.
I generally avoid movies older than 1980 because they are too formulaic; and in my opinion they lack creativity.
I look for movies that don't bore me. Genre is not an issue. But Horror-comedies tends to take me on journey's I will never experience irl. If the movie is a by the numbers straight-laced drama/biopic, it had better be a VERY unique story or I won't enjoy it. I get enough real life in real life.
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againIf you have not heard about these movies, then you do not understand the heft of these movies. Read their 1 star ratings to get the gist before even watching a preview. IMDB does not show trailers for many of these and you will have to use YouTube. If you are not acclimated to seeing BRUTAL death scenes, do not just sit down and start watching one of these. A Serbian Film, Martyrs, Antichrist, and Irreversible are really mid level on this list. "Salò, or The 120 Days of Sodom" is so goofy and underwhelming that it's only listed because of its undeserved infamy.
You've been warned.
But let's be honest, I have no idea what will personally disturb you, and so I'm just guessing by taking old standards, like the ones I mentioned above, as templates and trying to give you new ones that aren't already on all the other lists and that hopefully hit harder, too. Honestly, only a couple of these give me the heebies, so I really am shooting in the dark.
Reviews
Forbidden Zone (1980)
Click my name to see my movie lists.
If you are trying to cut back on Oscar worthy films, this one will help.
Let's suppose you smoked some crack, then meth, then DMT, then dropped fry, all at the same time, then you fell down, accidentally ate a magic mushroom, struck your head on a drainage pipe that was leaking raw sewage and flopped - unconscious - into a pool of toxic waste... this movie is what you would have dreamt about. Now, you can avoid all that trouble by simply watching this movie; in which case, you'll lose 74 minutes of your life instead of the 15 years you'd suffer being a drooling glow in the dark vegetable by doing it the other way.
Virtual Desire (1995)
Click my name to see my lists!
I don't remember HOW I found this, probably a shout-out on some social media app where someone asked for TnA movies. But I do remember WHY I watched it. And that is because of this very enthusiastic review from Amazon that I'm sharing right here:
Metal Pete
5.0 out of 5 stars
The best T&A flick ever
It's perfect. There is so much quality t&a in this thing it re-defines all t&a flicks. But make sure you get the unrated version. As some disappointed viewers lamented, the R-rated one skimps on some very good stuff.
Beautiful girls constantly getting nude and doing this guy Brad. It's almost too much for one movie. Wall to wall nudity, the best softcore flick I have ever seen, period.
Clearly this Metal Pete guy would award one or more Oscars to this movie if he could, after all, it is "The best T&A flick ever". Now that might be. But the very next review is from a much more critical guy named Jared. I am not sure if this is Subway Jared or not. If it is, then I suspect that some of his dismay towards the film may have to do with the ages of the actresses. But here is what Mr. Jared has to say:
Jared
1.0 out of 5 stars don't bother
This is not as good as the other reviewers here on amazon make it out to be. Almost every aspect of it is poor. I wont mention the plot because there isn't one. Its just some guy goofing around on a very old computer with some very bad sex scences inter cut beween shots of him typing in a stupidly large font size. Don't bother with this!
So the question is, who do we trust? The guy who passes Oscars out like candy? Or the dude who hates people "typing in a stupidly large font size"? (I'm not happy with IMDb at ALL right now, because I typed that last part in a stupidly large font size that they didn't render for me. Thus ruining a quality grade A joke.) Anyway, I say, we need to get these two together and let them fight to the death in a cage match we market as pay per view on Only Fans. That's what I say! Winner gets a $5 Del Taco gift card and the rated R version of "Virtual Desire".
But don't worry, I found the uncensored version for you!
Masked Avenger Versus Ultra-Villain in the Lair of the Naked Bikini (1997)
Click my name to see all my lists!
Well, this movie is a special kind of special. It starts off boring enough, in that bad boring way that is, indeed bad, but debatable as to whether or not it's a good bad. But then... the flavors start developing and you realize: "Hey! I think we've got something here..." And indeed we do. If nothing else, we've got a great example of how God will never give a Nun more than she can handle. But its more than just a Nun taking matters into her own hands, or... never-mind. What I'm getting at, is that this movie has unique sensibilities, a unique way about it that is truly bad in a way that IS good. And so, here we are. Or, there we are? And so, here we go? There so are we and we here go! Yeah, that one.
Don't Let Her In (2021)
Click my name to see my extensive lists.
Not gonna lie here, GREATEST SEX SCENES EVER.
Annnnnd that actually is a lie. I lied.
BUT, depending on what your definition of "is" is, they COULD be. I mean they ARE unique. I'm thinking you've never seen sex scenes quite like these. Kind of, how could one put it... because it's POV, it's what I think it would be like to boink a woman with Mad Cow Disease.(she's diseased, not me) And I think that's something we've all been curious about. I mean, we've all got a darker curious side and wondering if Mad Cow makes the squishy twitch in a way that feels amazing is a valid curiosity; one that this film isn't afraid to explore.
There. I said it.
Enjoy.
Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976)
Click my name to see my extensive lists!
Given that Alice gets railed by nearly everyone in Wonderland, these guys missed the chance to name this: "Wonderland In Alice". What makes this movie particularly bad, is the dirty 1970s vibe and the pervy Euro-trash sex-fiend mentality that permeates throughout. Watching this feels like you got confused in your Berlin hotel and mistakenly walked into a room full of weird Germans wearing cheap WISHdotcom furry suits as sex-garb, and they're all gang banging an innocent young girl who herself got confused and walked into the wrong room. Because it's Alice, it feels like it's a childhood friend that you're watching get passed around. And of course, you don't want to look like an idiot who doesn't know where his own room is; so you just walk in like you belong there and sit down in the hotel's complimentary cuck chair; watching your friend Sarah yelling to you, "I don't think this is our room..."; but still, she's really taking it like a champ as you're drinking your half drank warm beer some guy named Heinrich, who's wearing a knock-off My Little Pony get-up, complete with nipple clamps, has handed you. And you know, when you complain about the lack of well placed door numbers as aggressively as Sarah and I did to the hotel manager you'd think a place as classy as the Berlin Savoy would have comped our stay. The Hilton did in a similar situation.
Anyways, that was a hypothetical, not based on anything that has happened or ever will happen to me. But the point is, it's Alice and we all know her, she starts off a virgin, it ends with her very much not a virgin, of COURSE us guys are gonna wanna watch it. Why wouldn't we?
Oh yeah!! AND it's a MUSICAL!
Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)
Start it tipsy, finish it drunk, it'll entertain you just fine.
Click my name for my movie lists.
Actually called "Lesbian Vampire Killers"; which can be read clearly in the thumb-nail. I can only guess that the so-called Me Too nonsense is at play here. Now that that stupidity is over, we can return to the original name. I will, however, go out on a limb here, and guess, based on the overwhelming number of times the SMOKING hot vampire chicks acted like they were about to lock lips, only to avoid full mouth on mouth contact at the last second, that no real lesbians were hired for this movie; which provides a rather plausible explanation for the name change I guess; like maybe the "International Guild of Lipstick Lesbians and Butch Dykes United" were shaking their fists in the air and all like, "rabble-rabble, These aren't REAL lesbians!! Rabble-rabble grumble-grumble!" and then they sued the film maker to remove "Lesbian" from the title and won or something. But still, a fun and titillating lipstick lesbian movie.
Attack of the Giant Blurry Finger (2021)
They made a movie for fun, then shared it. Chill.
Click my name to see my lists.
This is less a serious group movie for beer with friends to watch (although you could), but more of a "let's check this out" kinda deal. There is the initial concept, a WHOLE BUNCH of beating the concept into the ground, then the TnA pay off. The girl's body is smokin gorgeous, and that help's with a movie that feels like an overstretched skit. Seriously, if it's Beer night with friends, let this movie play if you are busy getting everything set up, or playing cards, or just want something on as you do other things. It has a recurring nudity joke that is similar to one I'd thought of, so I thought that was fun; and I'm sure you'll find it funny too! This movie does reward patient viewers though. So keep that in mind.
Tasogare Seibei (2002)
Click my name to see my numerous movie lists.
A low ranking, impoverished Samurai is teasingly referred to as "Twilight" by his co-workers. One day his best friend returns to town; to annul a marriage he had personally arranged between his sister and a higher ranking Samurai - a man who turned out to be a drunken abuser.
While Twilight visited his friend, the drunk and very angry husband arrived to challenge his brother-in-law (Twilight's friend) to a sword duel the next morning for interfering in his marriage. The friend was terrified by this, so Twilight accepted the challenge on his friend's behalf; believing the man would be too drunk to remember, or care, about the duel. This incident lead to a mistaken rumor that Twilight was a master swordsman.
After a rebellion was quashed a few weeks later, Twilight was summoned to assassinate one of the rebellion leaders, a Samurai renowned for being one of the greatest swordsman in Japan. This Samurai had already dispatched earlier swordsmen sent to assassinate him and was proving quite the embarrassment for Twilight's superiors. Unfortunately for Twilight, this assignment was the result of the false rumor of his alleged swordsmanship having reached his leaders. The unfortunate orders also came in the middle of a budding romance between Twilight and his friend's sister.
Wo hu cang long (2000)
Criminally under-viewed.
Click on my name o see my many movies lists.
With how horrible movies have become, and it's the fault of my fellow Gen-Xers, it is sad that this movie has under 300k views. It is a FAR far better movie than that and deserves to be in the millions.
Astonishingly haunting and emotionally powerful. Like a very complex fine wine, no hyperbole by saying that either. Epic stories, intertwined in each other, take you from high society to verdant jungle forests and ochre colored parched deserts. Balanced between tender, silly, and serious. Film making at its most poignant.
I recommend you watch it in dubbed English. It's a very visual movie, it needs to be watched, not read!
Kung fu (2004)
A true viewing experience rarity
Click my name for a ton of movie list recommendations.
This is a pretty straightforward, linear story. But within that simplicity is a ton of charm, quirkiness, humor, special effects and great action. However, this movie is apparently wearing too much flair for some people. I can't fathom some people.
I loaned this movie to my neighbor's 20 something kid who returned the movie to me as if it had touched him inappropriately while he was watching it, and he said to me, (in that "I'm not ok, I need an adult" voice) that he didn't like the movie... because the gangsters... had started dancing...
He seriously seemed violated (or something), by line dancing gangsters. Try and wrap your mind around that, seriously.
Reipu zonbi: Lust of the dead (2012)
Similar to Shakespeare's Macbeth
Rape Zombie: Lust Of The Dead 1-5.
When women are getting mass raped by a horde of Zombies, the movies have gotta be on some kinda list. Right? Unfortunately, trying to read the frenetically paced subtitles in the opening exposition of the first movie is nearly impossible and overwhelming. Then the movie takes a while before it lives up to it's name; but in the end, it does. It did manage to keep my attention, though. And you've really got to admit, getting raped by Zombies wouldn't be nearly as bad as being eaten alive by Zombies, so really, this is more of a win/win compromise in the whole world of Zombies thing; let's just be honest about that.
Now there has to be a reason they managed to get 5 movies financed, right? From the second movie and on, the producers seem to understand that if you're gonna make promises, don't dally around, just get to it. Seriously, nobody watched this movie hoping for shower scenes. (Or at least I didn't.)
You can dig around in my huge collection of movie lists by clicking my name.
Stamp of a Killer (1987)
My Wife Might Be A Liar
I've been married to her for 20 years now, and she just now, casually informs me that she thinks her feet might be in a movie, but she's not sure. I ask her if its a Quentin Tarantino movie, because if it is, her feet are definitely in the movie. She says its not a Tarantino movie, but it had that lady from "Who's the Boss". She is quite fuzzy on the details and doesn't even know the name of the movie; other than it was made for tv. So we look up Who's the Boss, and its Judith Light that my wife was referring to. After playing 20 questions, my wife reveals that she had been downtown Seattle outside of the Frederick & Nelson department store and she was asked if she wanted to wait to cross through the movie shoot during filming; and so she waited and got to walk past Judith, who smiled at her, while cameras rolled. She thought this was in 1987 and sure enough THIS movie is made for TV, starring Judith Light, in Seattle, with a street scene outside of Fredrick & Nelson in 1987.
However!
During the "alleged" scene, my wife is nowhere to be found. Not one single foot, pant leg, nothing. (She said the cameras were angled down as if filming the feet.) So I have no other choice but to assume her feet too ugly to be in this movie; OR SHE IS A LYING LIAR WHO LIES.
She is cracking up right now.
The Magic Prank Show with Justin Willman (2024)
Embarrassingly Bad
Others are already sounding the alarm: this "Reality" prank show is fake, and boy does it show.
Because of IMDB's character requirements, which are not needed for such an appallingly bad attempt at trying to trick its audience, I will snag another comments to meet the requirement.
There's nothing worse than a fake prank show!
Hammelbarry
The show is obviously fake, which makes this unwatchable. Multiple camera angles, yet there is no camera in sight!!! Lol!!! The acting is horrible. They are clearly trying make a knockoff of the Carbanara Effect, which is also fake, but at least Michael is likeable and funny.
The Coed and the Zombie Stoner (2014)
An excellent beer and best buds movie... unless you're an idiot who doesn't understand the title..
If you read the negative reviews, this is, essentially, what you will find:
My wife Priscilla and I reposed in the television viewing chamber with our two daughters, Mercedes and Porsche, to enjoy a family evening, (as is the Cunningham tradition upon the close of the week,) by partaking in the perusal of this motion picture. We were aghast, even appalled, that this cinematic endeavor titled, "The Coed and the Zombie Stoner" was far below any standard one would rightly expect of an Oscar worthy production. I wholly believe this motion picture likely failed to be even nominated for the prestigious award; for instead of providing us the slightest modicum of uplifting meditations on life and her various meanings, meanings with which one might better one's self upon the pondering there of, we were, quite contrarily, visually accosted by un-clothed bosoms (of all varieties no less, ranging from modest and perky to heaving and rotundly tumescent fun bags that swayed like uncultured desserts of alluring gelatin, so favored by the lesser individuals in the valley below; though I ruefully admit that both Mercedes and Porsche seemed rather taken in by, even entranced by, these displays of obscenely unclad bosoms - as if they had both abandoned the indescribable joy of tasting a fine wine that has been expertly paired with a delicate Foie gras and in its stead the two had somehow acquired the tastes of lesser palates that yearn for the artificially flavored raspberry jiggly-ness of vulgarity, which I assure you is what these bosoms were; oh the shame I felt on their behalves, but alas, I digress) the motion picture was, to say the very least... garish (dare I say boorish) for the crime of being over-laden with drunken shenanigans of the lowest caliber; not to mention the copious drug and drug paraphernalia references. I am deeply troubled and saddened by the realization that we most certainly live in a time, with-in which, the sanctity of one's domicile can be violated by a Trojan Horse posing as a high art family movie.
Avoid "The Coed and the Zombie Stoner" for the sake of your children - NAY! For the sake of your very sanity! - as I regret to report, the movie is not what it first appears to be! May God have mercy upon their souls...
No One Will Save You (2023)
An allegory that, for some reason, people aren't realizing is an allegory.
This is the very first movie I have ever watched that took me from "I am absolutely loving this" to "this is sheer and utter crap".
Both here, and on YouTube, people are consistently misunderstanding this as an alien/home invasion - horror/thriller. It is actually a pretentious allegorical art film. I realized this VERY early on when it was apparent that, despite their behavior, the aliens were not actually going to ever kill the main girl; and therefore, they likely were not real, but figments of her imagination. The "aliens", it seemed, were representations of her internal demons. This lands this movie in 100% M. Night Shamalan rip-off territory. Whether M. Night's "Signs" should be interpreted as "the Aliens are actually demons", is irrelevant. The theory exists, and in it, that this is what they are. The theory is also old and well known. No One Will Save You is CLEARLY using this infamous Signs theory as it's plot twist. Nothing is invading, there are no ETs in this movie. Our female character is dealing with guilt and ostracization manifesting as aliens invading her home.
As for the flaws that I feel bring this movie to a 1 star:
Going in cold, I interpreted the main character, Brynn, as a mouse-y, nerdy, but cute and charming girl who wants someone special in her life, but hasn't found him yet. But she's trying. At this point I am LOVING Brynn AND the movie. Still, I am already finding the movie hard to decipher and yet I'm considering that it might be a 9 or 10 stars for me. There is a moment, early on, where Brynn practices nervously smiling in a mirror. (looks like she's prepping for a job interview? Maybe?) She then lays out two dresses, to chose from, that appear to be frumpy hand me downs from a librarian. (they're a little too causal for a job interview. Unless, maybe a nanny position... OH NO! The poor girl is going on a date and these plain-Jane dresses are the best she has!! Poor girl!!) Brynn chooses a dress, heads downstairs, and with no context from the movie, does some sewing on a 3rd dress she then bags in a large manila USPS shipping envelope, and heads off. (Okay... not sure what that was about...) Now, driving down the street, she shyly waves to a guy her age, who ghosts her. (Oh NO again! HE is why she was practicing her smile in the mirror! The poor girl put on her best nerd dress so she'd look cute when she flashed a smile to her crush! AND HE REJECTED HER!! I love her!! It's so sad, but so cute!) Except that... no... NONE of what I was getting from this movie was correct. Because the ENTIRE first 30 some minutes gives NO context to ANYTHING being done or shown, I was WAY off. She is actually borderline nuts, the town's people HATE her, and her life is classic denialism and mental regression. I spent 30 minutes COMPLETELY misreading this movie because it gave no context. The entire first act is ENTIRELY open to interpretation, and yet... there is only one right way to interpret what we are being shown. And THAT is horrible story telling.
Next comes an entire 2nd act of pointless meandering: "this happens, and then this happens, and then in this room this happens..." and this was LITERALLY on a loop. By the third alien's onset of: "then he does this, then she does this, then this happens, then that happens." I was actively saying, "I DON"T CARE!!! Stop introducing more aliens only to start the EXACT SAME NONSENSE over again! It has been 20 minutes with nothing new, and nothing driving the plot forward!!" And because I immediately realized the aliens weren't real, none of the otherwise EXCELLENT scares, were actually landing. But yes, for a lesser versed younger audience, this movie should deliver the chills quite easily, at this point in the movie at least. Later on... not so much...
Then the third act... good god. Who even knows. I don't know. You're not going to know. No one knows what the hell is going on in these last 30 minutes. The FX are HORRIBLE to the point of goofy-ness. Nothing is coherent. Everything is still wide open to interpretation because there is still no context... (just TRY to explain what that dragon fruit looking, over-sized jiggly fishing lure was that the aliens made her swallow. Or why she was being levitated by what seemed to be a malfunctioning alien tractor beam. Up down, up down, up down... why he hell is this broken tractor beam in the movie??? Why did they take time to film this???) The 3rd act seems like I might have dropped acid and simply forgotten that I had done that... I don't know... but the movie is now inexcusably incoherent, frequently pointless, overly long, and DUMB.
What I got out of the very ending, unlike others, is that she did not find forgiveness, but that she probably lapsed into a new level of psychosis, one no longer driven by fear, regret and shame, but instead driven by rainbows and lollipops, and DEFINITELY still a made up b.s. World inside her head. Maybe this is a nod to the 7 levels of grief? ( or is it 5?)
As to the number of other movies this one seemed to draw from, I got Signs, The Ring, It Follows and A. I. for sure; and perhaps 28 Days Later, The Happening, Legion, Hereditary and High Tension as coincidental accidents.
Nothing Happens (2017)
The title is honest, nothing happens for over ten minutes.
The high score stems from the fact that VERY few people scored this on IMDB and it is highly likely that the majority are the people and friends of those who worked on it. Its obscurity is sheltering it from any true criticism.
It has great sound design, no doubt about it. Outside of that, this is cheap, grainy, colorless roto-scoping style animation. There is nothing impressive.
As to the "I Loved It!" review, what you described is called "day dreaming". This short was so utterly pointless, you day dreamed through it, then gave your day dream a glowing review.
At 10 minutes it won't kill anyone to watch this. If you loved it, watch "Meat Love", another pointless short. If you want a full length movie you can day dream through, try "Rubber". I've given all three 1 star, as I don't consider What-if concepts worthy of actually being made. What if two slabs of meat fell in love? What if a tire came to life and killed things with it's mental powers? What if...
WHO CARES?!?!
In this case, with "Nothing Happens" it is: "What if two guys show up in the woods with a violin and bass, stood around until town people gathered, they then played a Jewish/Gypsy piece of music, and then the town's people left in the middle of the piece because the anticipation was more interesting than the result. The End."
How about NO?
Here is a proverb to day dream to instead (some call it meditating): "All disappointment comes from anticipation."
That took, like, 3 seconds to read, not 10 some minutes.
FYI, and this is for real, not sarcasm - my cat was mesmerized by the crows. Her IQ isn't very high. Not even for a cat. I hope that provides some perspective.
It Follows (2014)
Why this movie is disliked by so many. An explanation of what intelligent people immediately start asking without having to analyze anything.
No, it's not original.
Besides dozens of other movies with similar concepts, It Follows is very derivative of The Ring and Terminator. We are talking BLATANTLY derivative. If you don't know, The Ring has an entity that haunts people over 7 days before killing them and it can be gotten rid of by passing it to someone else. The Terminator physically hunts down its targets, methodically, steadfastly and uncompromisingly, 24/7, until it succeeds. Not being original is no big deal. But this movie's fans seem to think that this movie is immensely unique and count that as a huge plus. It isn't.
Bad acting.
Yes, these inexperienced actors are quite good; but the directing of them was not. Being young, the 3 actresses and 2 main actors don't have nuance yet. That is fine, for their age. But this doesn't mean that when they finish their lines, the director should let them simply stand in place, not moving, until it is their turn to speak again. (as if they are cartoon characters waiting to become animated again) Give these kids things to do between their lines.
Continuing to blame the bad directing, the main character's reactions were absurdly under delivered. At NO point was there any sense that she understood that she was dealing with an invisible entity trying to kill her. As stated before, the actors simply stood, statically, without truly freaking out, as if it never occurred to them, or her, that quasi-panicked reactions would not be normal behavior if it were actually happening. No panic induced freak outs. No desperate attempts to barricade doors or frantically fight back. She just nonchalantly braced a chair against the door. Why not desperately, and clumsily, roll a dresser-drawers end over end to the door?? There was no sense of urgency at any point in the movie, because at all times the outcome was already known to those involved. It never occurred to them that in real life, death would have been a possibility and that fear driven urgency would have been highly likely. During scenes without the entity, there was no uncontrollable shaking, paranoia, or sense of eminent psychological collapse. No constant agitated clumsy spinning in an attempt to take in every line of sight. No chewing nails until they bled. No facial ticks from shot nerves. Instead, the kids were chilly-chill, only delivering what was on the script, without flare, nuance or thoughtfulness: "Fire the gun? Okay. I fired it, emotionlessly, because the script didn't tell me how to act otherwise." No terrified hand trembling. No spastic, aimless panic firing. No one covering their ears and flinching at the loud reports. No crying or loss of composure. "Scream and leave the room? Okay. I'll scream without really screaming in terror. And I will calmly flee in a way that could be construed as fleeing. The script didn't call for me to run straight into a nightstand and fall to the floor in a full on display of being horrified senseless. So I won't." Although the script did call for fleeing in terror by car, which resulted in accidentally swerving at 25 mph into a corn field and coming to a stop 15 feet in, resulting in a broken arm, bloody head wound, and waking from unconsciousness in a hospital. That's some corn; you'll definitely chip a tooth.
Every single character stood quietly, blandly waiting their turn to casually do, or recite, whatever it was they had memorized from rehearsals. So many actors leave doors wide open because the script never told them to close the front door after walking outside to go to the store. Good directors yell out, "CLOSE the DOOR this time", while good actors close it without needing to be told; then lock it behind them. In this movie, the actors are unbelievable in every single scene because neither the script, nor the director, told them HOW to act. And it rings horribly untrue when crap hits the fan, but no one is trampling each other's spoken lines, flailing to get away, or otherwise acting like insanity has just ensued.
Last, the script made no sense and was poorly fleshed out.
Wow! Talk about unbelievable:
~ Right out of the gate, a young women runs out of her PARENTS' house, dressed in loose fitting faux-satin pajama shorts and matching top, while... oddly... wearing three inch high heeled patented leather DANCE SHOES! I have never, in my life, seen a woman match casual sleepwear with F-me pumps... let alone, at her dad's house. Was he killed next??? That'll get ya thinking... like maybe, the daughter got stuck in the dryer while mommy was away... so she called out, "Daddy, help!!" (Half the people reading this just left to log into Heavy-R)
~The character that passes the curse to our main girl, (congrats on still being here, btw) CHLOROFORMS her, for ZERO reason, when all he had to do was say, "Hey, I want you to see something." They are dating, for crying out loud!! Pretty sure she'll respond with, "Okay. What you got?"
Why, if her death means he is next to be followed again, would he render her unconscious AND tied up, and wait for the entity to arrive? This absurdly uncalled for behavior now ensures that she has been made 100% incapable of defending herself on two different levels, should the entity get a hold of her. (It was because the script said so, that she woke up in time. How was he supposed to know when the entity would arrive? Or when the Chloroform would wear off? Or what her reaction to being drugged would be?)
Does he chloroform everyone he wants to show something too? "Hey, what's up with the Ether?" "Oh, just gettin' ready to show you my stamp collection." "You can just show it, you know." "Meh... I don't think so... HEY! Is that Taylor Swift behind you!?"
~ Who, upon becoming convinced they are being stalked by an entity, doesn't insist on staying around their friends AT ALL TIMES? "I don't care if you're going to take a crap, I'm coming with." "Taking a shower? No you're not. You're just fine being all stinky." "Hi, Madison?? Don't worry about how I got your number, I need to know if can I borrow your dog for a while? No, not the Toy Poodle, the Doberman. Yes, I know he's under legal quarantine because he killed an intruder. No, I won't be needing the muzzle. How hard, exactly, does he bite, by the way?", said no one in this movie. This leaves smart people immediately asking, "Why not?"(Regardless of whether the dog could see the entity or not, the entity does interact with physical things, and certainly would be heard by the dog, if not smelled as well. And who doesn't want to see a viscous 100 pound Doberman realize the entity is in the house and watch him tear into it once he's managed to hunt it down? Like... "Ahh, another intruder eh? Well we'll see about that!")
~ Who, in this situation, would walk for more than three seconds without looking back over their shoulder? Who would fall asleep on their car hood? Why do they not have sleep deprived bags under their eyes? HOW are they even capable of sleeping? We are never shown them attempting to stay awake, a la Nightmare On Elm Street coffee binges. Why would the main girl sit FACING a lake with her back TO THE WOODS, when any IQ over 70 would think, "Maybe sit with my back to the lake, WHERE I KNOW the entity can't sneak up on me." They honestly act less like the supernatural is trying to kill them and more like they're trying to shake off the sad death of a friend.
~ Why was money never made an issue? Because this is a really good time to go see Europe. Or take a drive to southern Chile. I mean, at least provide an excuse for not doing what most people WOULD do; which is, PUT SOME SERIOUS DISTANCE between themselves and the entity. Is the local park REALLY the best they could come up with? That issue needed to be killed in the script because intelligent people tuned out.
~ Why were authorities never involved? I would want as many minds working on this as possible. So why didn't the script deal with that?
~ Last, it is well known that most people consider fast running zombies to be scarier than slow lumbering ones, such as George Romero's were. There is no plausible explanation in this movie for getting caught by something that WALKS. Fix it BEFORE shooting the movie. Ie: The entity blends in as normal people too well. Or it runs, non stop, and FAST; or it can materialize. Perhaps there is more than one entity, and they treat city blocks like chess board squares - slowly checkmating people into an unsolvable situation. Maybe have the characters unaware of what is happening, or what the rules are; while we, the audience, are aware. Otherwise, intelligent people are going to tune out. And did.
This might as well have been a movie about a rubber tire that kills people.
Nannerl, la soeur de Mozart (2010)
This movie is rife with absurd fiction and silliness. Probably why Mozart didn't like the French.
In no way shape or form was Nannerl Mozart a prodigy. She was a talented keyboardist,("piano" from here on) but talented is the key word. As far as composing goes, she was a very poor composer and she definitely was NOT composing Mozart's music for him. On the contrary, there are a few existing letters from her, asking him to compose piano pieces for her.
Contrary to modern belief, a very large number of upper-middle class and wealthier ladies were STELLAR pianists. There were no radios and the piano was their entertainment, for their husbands and themselves. This leads to an incontrovertible fact: the VAST MAJORITY of pianists in the 17th and 18th, even 19th centuries, were women. NOT MEN. Men just didn't have the time needed to learn to play the piano, and very very few did.
In order to play the piano during these eras, one needed extensive training, 4 years minimum to reach a modicum of proficiency, in both reading sheet music, as well as improvising and composing. Of the women playing piano, they not only knew how to compose music, but were expected to do so. Music history is FULL of female composers. But the bottom line is, they are not famous because they are not good enough. Play anything from Maria Hester Park, Clara Schumann, or Fanny Mendelssohn and compare it to any famous male composer from the same era and there is no competition.
Maria Hester Park is considered part of the "Mozart Circle" btw. Meaning her compositional style was HEAVILY influenced by him. So let's compare. Copy each fragment below, open a new window, go to youtube and paste the fragment after the dot com and hit enter.
2 pieces for piano from Maria Hester Park
/watch?v=-paYk0zJZts and
/watch?v=FwBto5iueig
2 pieces for piano from Mozart:
/watch?v=l0ecUq1z1TE and
/watch?v=1BkZ8ci8_k4
Maria Hester Park was famous in her day, and she is still known 250 years later. But do not even try to claim her pieces are on par with Mozart. Even today, with all the hooray for woman, the female composers are STILL ignored. This bizarre erroneous belief that woman were beaten down just isn't true.
On top of this lack of virtuosic skill, we have the problem of travel. With all the hardships, danger and crime on the road in the 1700s, women did not WANT to travel. (Mozart's mother actually died from pneumonia, while on the road with him) It was easier on women to stay home and be a wealthy house-wife than it was to travel as a composer and performer. Before electricity, a wealthy woman could run her house, or, if she was crazy, she could try to join the men and swing an ax, dig for coal, haul manure, slaughter animals, or any other number of nasty, sweaty, exhausting thankless jobs. Heat of summer, wet of rain, or freezing snow... like traveling across Europe by horse drawn wagon to play a piano in the next big city two - three weeks away. Do you have ANY idea how slow horses trot compared to cars and planes?
I'm not even going to go into detail about how utterly absurd it is to claim that Nannerl not only knew the Hier of the French Throne, but was in a secret, quasi homosexual, cross dressing relationship with him. Good God...
Spirit Halloween (2022)
A perfectly acceptable kids Halloween movie.
This was a fairly competent movie, just understand it isn't meant for adults. This movie is a children's movie, through and through, and is unlikely to entertain the rest of the family.. I'd say ages 6 - 12 are its target audience, with nothing truly scary, atmospheric or special for more mature audiences to enjoy. All the flaws and silliness that stops this movie from achieving greatness as a Halloween classic for everyone, are issues that children won't even notice. For them, its a great spooky little story, with good Halloween vibes. The scares are laid on heavily, but are safe enough to not over-scare them, with violence being non-existent.
Halloween Is Grinch Night (1977)
This isn't a classic for a reason.
Aka "Halloween is Grinch Night", there is no Halloween atmosphere at all. So its second name is a misnomer, which is sad, considering a good solid infusion of Halloween standards would have helped this cartoon immensely. The descriptor that wind is blowing, thus signaling the coming of the Grinch, is quite accurate. But there are no haunting chills, no build-up of impending scares, no anticipation of any thing wicked this way comes... just boring song after boring song telling you the Who's are scared. The animation is the same as any other Dr. Seuss animation, which, (tho nostalgic) is not a good thing by today's standards. If you show this with enthusiasm to under-20s, just know that it will be another check in their check list verifying that yo are old. As for under-7s, they like anything, so go for it.
Land of the Lost (2009)
A really fun under-rated adventure with psychedelic flare!!
If you are planning on reading the negative reviews, let me sum them up for you:
"I had herd good things about Baskin & Robbins Icecream , so I goed accepting a good meal. What I got was an abdominal . It was banana that had was split down the middle . They called it an "Banana Split". How original? .. There were with scoops of chocolate , strawberryandvanilla ice cream in middle.. Whom in there right mine done did that ?? As if that weren't not bad enough,the icecream was topped whith carmle , chocolate and strawberry syrips and whipped cream sprinkles , chopped nuts and Maraschino , cherries ? GROSS !! Only a little sissy child would eat such a concoction . I My two year old could make this !! I only eat Garlic infused Okra Flambay served on fresh Himalayan Cedar sprouts cooked by learnt Chefs. Watch this movie only if you are want to become uncivilized idiot!!"
As for me, milk came out my nose and I peed a little when Chaka grabbed her boobs... and you can too! But only if you watch this movie.
Absolutely Anything (2015)
Some comedy isn't very good to begin with, but this was worse.
HOLY Toledo... I couldn't even FIND the jokes. I had a sense that there were the hints of jokes. There were implications of them. But I LITERALLY could not recognize any of the implied jokes. The visual ones I got. I mean maybe I missed a few, how would I know. But I was at a complete loss from the moment this movie began, to the time it ended. I am NOT being hyperbolic, I am being LITERAL right now. I GOT NOTHING. The most spoken phrases out of my mouth NON STOP, in this movie were: "Was that a joke?" "Was that supposed to be funny?" "I don't get it..."
It was a dumbfounding and utterly bizarre experience.
Bringing Out the Dead (1999)
I FIRED this movie in under 10 minutes.
The movie starts with a Nickolas Cage soliloquy. It is blatantly clear that he is reading from the script, without inflection nor emotion. This was my first, "Uh-oh..."
Next, the Ambulance dispatcher speaks over the radio. The voice actor delivered incredibly immature dialog that didn't sound like a dispatcher in any way, shape or form. Immediately following this, extras are gathered at the steps of the apartments Nicholas Cage is responding to. The extras are over-acting as nervous, concerned neighbors and one asks which apartment made the call. This is odd because they are standing at the base of the stairs that lead to the apartment that has its door WIDE open with several women screaming and crying inside. Even more odd, is that Cage actually tells them which apartment is having the medical emergency. The next problem occurs when Cage asks one of the women in the apartment to operate the airway compressor for him, as if paramedics simply bring you the medical devices you need so you can DIY. Before she gets a chance to do the job Cage has been trained and certified to do, John Goodman starts zapping the hell out of the heart attack victim with the defibrillator. When Goodman starts giving chest compressions, with bent elbows, I'd seen enough. In less than 10 minutes, I fired the movie.
Super Dark Times (2017)
Watch for this director in future films. He is Kevin Phillips.
This movie is derivative of Mean Creek. So if you like it, watch that movie too. Having said that, there is one thing about this movie that startled me - the acting.
There is SO much subtle detail in what these young actors are doing, that I started noticing. We are talking a TON of minor details in their voices, mannerisms, fidgeting and body language... that there is NO WAY teen actors are doing them on their own. It HAS to be Dir. Kevin Phillips' coaching. All in all, story wise, this is a somewhat slow burn, with nothing original. But if you like drum tight acting, this is a MUST watch. I am very impressed.
Zamilované maso (1989)
It won't hurt to watch, but it's pointless.
This short is as pointless as the movie "Rubber". But, at around a minute, you should watch it if you're a fan of Svankmajer. Just know that he has put out far far better works. This may have been a very early film school assignment. That wouldn't surprise me at all. For a fun intro to those who don't know his work, dig up his English dubbed Alice (assuming that you speak English and not Czech). This will let you take in a story well known to you, "Alice In Wonderland", while seeing his stop motion work and creativity at the same time. In my IMBD list, "Absolute Weirdest Movies Of All Time", I have a couple of his movies recommended there.