Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Mike Starr: Joe Mentalino
Photos
Quotes
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Lloyd Christmas : [Reaching over Joe Mantelino] You're it.
Harry Dunne : You're it.
Lloyd Christmas : You're it, quitsies!
Harry Dunne : Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd Christmas : You can't do that!
Harry Dunne : Can too!
Lloyd Christmas : Cannot, stamp it!
Harry Dunne : Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!
Lloyd Christmas : Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.
Harry Dunne : No, you can't do that... you can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!
Lloyd Christmas : [hands over ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Harry Dunne : LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD!
Joe Mentalino : GUYS! ENOUGH!
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Harry Dunne : Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?
Joe Mentalino : Nah, you guys go ahead.
Harry Dunne : I'll do it if you will, Lloyd.
Lloyd Christmas : Okay. You go first.
Harry Dunne : No no. You go first.
Lloyd Christmas : You go first.
Harry Dunne : You go first! I always go first!
Lloyd Christmas : You go first!
Joe Mentalino : Why don't you guys both stop acting like a couple of pussies and go at the same time, huh?
Lloyd Christmas : That sounds like a dare, Har.
Joe Mentalino : It's a *double* dare!
Harry Dunne : Yeah, okay. You're on!
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Joe Mentalino : Guys! Guys! Guys! Fellas... you think we could listen to the radio or something?
Lloyd Christmas : Radio? Who needs a radio? Ready, Harry?
[Lloyd and Harry start singing "Mockingbird"]
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Joe Mentalino : Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas?
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[checking Harry & Lloyd's apartment]
Joe Mentalino : Briefcase ain't here, they must've taken it with them.
J.P. Shay : Well, he's gotta come home sometime.
Joe Mentalino : Maybe we should trash the place, send them a little message.
J.P. Shay : [looks around] I don't think he's gonna get that message Joe, I mean, the guy's got worms in his living room.
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Joe Mentalino : Shut up! Now we don't even know who the hell they are! You don't kill people you don't know. That's a rule.
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Joe Mentalino : Feeling better, girls?
Harry Dunne : Yes, much better! Thank you for asking!
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Joe Mentalino : So why are you guys going to Aspen? Vacation?
Lloyd Christmas : [Lloyd and Harry just sabotaged his burger with atomic peppers and are snickering] Why don't you eat up, and we'll tell ya.
Joe Mentalino : It just doesn't seem like you packed match. All I saw was one bag and a briefcase.
Harry Dunne : Well, no, no. The briefcase isn't even ours. Some lady left it at that airport. We're just bring it back to her. How's your burger?
Joe Mentalino : You mean, you don't even know her? I mean talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Anxious Man at Phone : [pacing outside of phone booth occupied by Mental] I had plans. I had things I wanted to do. This is where it all ends in a phone booth.
[bangs on the glass]
Anxious Man at Phone : Sir, did you ever hear of the concept of "other people"? Um, me, being that for the phone, sir...
[Mental ignores him]
Anxious Man at Phone : You turned your back on me, Ooh Ooh! He got me mad, I almost like it.
[starts to bang on glass again]
Anxious Man at Phone : [Bangs on glass with each sentence] The damage I can do to you. Because you were spiteful. I didn't wanna... That's not your problem. You didn't know... Get off the phone.
[Acts like he can't hear him and motions for him to step closer]
Anxious Man at Phone : Get off - the - pho...
Joe Mentalino : [Punches through the glass, knocking the man unconscious] I'm sorry, Mr. Andre, you were saying?
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Nicholas Andre : [Over the phone] Don't forget that your bread plate is on the left! Look, I can't have these guys running around Aspen!
Joe Mentalino : Don't worry. They ain't gonna be running around nowhere after I dump a little rat poison in their Shirley Temple.
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[Joe Mentalino is having an ulcer attack]
Lloyd Christmas : He's resisting me!
Harry Dunne : Here.
[puts some pills in Mentalino's mouth]
Harry Dunne : Here you go. Here you go. Here you go.
Lloyd Christmas : Pills! Pills are good! Pills are good!
Harry Dunne : Drink 'em down. There you go. There you go, big guy. You want some ketchup and mustard? That helped us.
[Mentalino sees the rat poison bottle]
Joe Mentalino : Son of a bitch!
[stomach gurgles and he dies]
Lloyd Christmas : Check, please.