This Is the End (2013)

Danny McBride: Danny McBride

Photos 

Quotes 

• Danny McBride : Hermione just stole all of our shit. And then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone. I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about fucking two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.

• Danny McBride : You got white shit all over your mouth, Franco. You probably sucked somebody's dick. Jonah over here probably watched and jerked off.

• Danny McBride : James Franco didn't suck any dick last night? Now I know ya'll are trippin'.

• Danny McBride : Welcome to the twenty-first century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fuckin' iPads in the walls, yet, you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

  James Franco : That's right man, I like to fuckin' read!

• Danny McBride : [from trailer]  Seth, that's some of the better acting than I've seen in your last six movies. Where the fuck was that in Green Hornet?

• Danny McBride : [Rapture light appears]  What the fuck?

  James Franco : Go to hell, McBride! Fuck you! Haha. Suck my dick!

  [Rapture light disappears] 

• James Franco : I will shoot off your dick!

  Danny McBride : You don't have enough bullets, bitch.

• [Rogen and McBride are digging through the floor of Franco's house when Franco storms through the second floor hallway, carrying his prop gun and a porno magazine] 

  James Franco : Who did this? Who did this?

  Seth Rogen : Did what? What are you talking about?

  James Franco : Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

  Danny McBride : [Raises hand]  It was me, Franco. I fuckin' made jizz in your magazine.

  James Franco : Why?

  Danny McBride : When I fuckin' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?

  James Franco : Real fuckin' smart answer! Why don't you fuckin' aim, huh?

  Danny McBride : I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fuckin' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.

  James Franco : What the fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a fuckin' sock or on a fuckin' tissue?

  Danny McBride : No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!

  James Franco : I highly doubt they fuckin' taught you to fuckin' close your eyes and fuckin' cum wherever the fuck you want!

  Danny McBride : I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fuckin' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore? Welcome to the twenty-first century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fuckin' iPads in the walls, yet, you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

  James Franco : That's right, man. I like to fuckin' read!

  Danny McBride : You think that's the only thing I jerk off on in here? I've been dropping off loads around this fuckin' house like a goddamn dump truck.

  James Franco : You don't cum on my stuff!

  Danny McBride : I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James! I'll fuckin' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin' art, I'll cum anywhere I want!

  James Franco : I will fuckin' cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin' madman all over you, McBride!

  Danny McBride : Ooh! I fuckin' wish you'd cum on me right now! I fuckin' dare you to cum on me!

  [Both exchange masturbation gestures at each other] 

  Danny McBride : [Grabbing baseball bat between his legs]  I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin' hard in here!

  James Franco : This, no more, man! All over your fuckin' face!

  Danny McBride : All over the fuckin' floor, all over the fuckin' place! I'll fuckin' cum anywhere I want! I'll fuckin' cum on these walls, I'll cum on the fuckin' cabinets, on the fuckin' furniture, I'll cum everywhere!

  James Franco : If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fuckin' shoot it off!

  Danny McBride : You don't have enough bullets, bitch!

• [an armored RV crashes into James Franco's Toyota Prius, slightly injuring Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel. A bunch of cannibals from the RV pulls all three of them out from the totaled car and starts to attack them] 

  Santa Cannibal : [yells]  Yo, cut his fuckin' head off!

  [chainsaw revs up; James, Seth, and Jay screams] 

  Danny McBride : [on loudspeaker]  STOP!

  [Danny McBride, leader of the cannibals, steps out of his RV with a marijuana joint in one hand and a dog's leash in the other] 

  Jay Baruchel : Danny?

  Danny McBride : [shocked]  What the fuck? You guys are still alive?

  Seth Rogen : Yeah!

  Danny McBride : Holy shit, I didn't expect that.

  [tugging on the leash, a gimp, who reveals to be Channing Tatum, jumps out from the RV] 

  Danny McBride : Get...

  [Danny pulls Channing over to him] 

  Jay Baruchel : Oh, Jesus.

  Danny McBride : Shit, I can't believe you guys are here. That's fucking crazy, and your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten, and you three gentlemen look delicious.

  Jay Baruchel : [confused]  What does that have to do with us?

  James Franco : What the fuck are you talking about?

  Danny McBride : [chuckles]  I'm a cannibal, hombre. We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass.

  Seth Rogen : Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man!

  Danny McBride : I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. I butt-fucked this dude.

  [Channing drops down doggy-style] 

  Danny McBride : See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp. Channing, introduce yourself.

  Channing Tatum : [takes his mask off]  Hey, what's up, guys? Y'all cool?

  James Franco : That's Channing Tatum.

  Seth Rogen : That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?

  Danny McBride : Channing fucking Tatum. I found him wandering on the freeway. I collected him, made him my bitch

  [Channing rubs Danny's crotch, but Danny shoves his hand away] 

  Danny McBride : Get off my dick. I call him Channing "Tate-yum".

  James Franco : Hardcore, man.

• Channing Tatum : I love him.

  Danny McBride : Fuckin' GI Joe, dude. Fuckin' loves me.

• Danny McBride : He's talking about the rape-y vibes.

• Danny McBride : I call him Channing Taint-YUM!

• Craig Robinson : Dude, Segel's dead, Krumholtz is dead, Michael Cera's dead...

  Danny McBride : I guess if Michael Cera's dead it's not a total loss, huh?

• [after James taunts Danny, the rapture beams disappears; James falls back down on the ground to the evil amazement of the cannibals and the disappointment of Seth and Jay] 

  Seth Rogen : Oh, shit.

  Jay Baruchel : Shit!

  James Franco : [horrified]  What happened? What did I do? Take me back! What did I DO?

  Danny McBride : I'll tell you what happened, Franco. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.

  [the cannibals gang up on the now-doomed James] 

  Danny McBride : You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.

  James Franco : [last word]  What?

  [Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing joining in; James screams in horrible pain as Seth and Jay can do nothing but watch in sheer horror and disgust] 

  Danny McBride : [screaming; a crazed Danny holds up James' ripped-off nose]  HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?

  [Danny shrieks as the cannibals gang up and fatally eat James up to his death] 

  Danny McBride : Seth! JAY!

  [Three cannibals give chase to Set and Jay, presumably to finish the job and keep them completely fed] 

  Jay Baruchel : Oh, shit, they're running after us!

  Seth Rogen : Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!

  Danny McBride : BRING THEM TO ME!

• Danny McBride : Franco, you're just a pretentious fucking nerd.

  James Franco : Fuck you!

  Danny McBride : And Jonah... you fucking cunt. Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You fucking disappoint me.

  Craig Robinson : Bro...

  Danny McBride : And Seth... you duplicitous taint.

  Seth Rogen : What?

  Danny McBride : And of course there's Jay... the self-righteous, cocksucking, two-faced backstabber.

  Jay Baruchel : What the fuck are you talking about?

• [the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house] 

  James Franco : [whispering]  I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in.

  Jay Baruchel : Why not?

  Headless Man : Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.

  James Franco : I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...

  [Seth grabs his chest protectively] 

  James Franco : ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy?

  Headless Man : I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here!

  Danny McBride : "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks.

  James Franco : What if he's the rapist?

  Jonah Hill : Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us.

  Headless Man : [panicking]  Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist!

  Seth Rogen : You gonna tittyfuck us?

  Headless Man : [almost in tears]  If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it!

  Jay Baruchel : Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy?

  James Franco : [to Seth]  What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do.

  Seth Rogen : Uh, let's vote on it!

  Headless Man : Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in!

  Danny McBride : Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.

  [the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside] 

  Headless Man : There's something out here!

  [the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet] 

  Danny McBride : [in shock]  This is real! This is fucking real!

  [he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it] 

  Jonah Hill : You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!

  James Franco : Pick it up, Jonah.

  [Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it] 

  Danny McBride : What the fuck is going on?

  Jonah Hill : He blinked at me! He blinked at me!

  James Franco : Put it over there!

  [quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head] 

• Seth Rogen : Danny, no! Don't walk away! Danny, don't walk away from me!

  Danny McBride : [continuing to walk away]  It's too late, Seth! I've already walked away too much!

  Seth Rogen : No, you haven't. You could still come back and just fucking turn around and come back and help me.

• Danny McBride : I know why you guys don't fucking call me or hang out with me anymore. It's cause I party so fucking hard. Always have. Ever since I was a baby, I wouldn't just suck on my mama's titties, I would fucking bang 'em and motorboat 'em. Everything I've been doing has just been a cry for help. When I came on your magazine, James, it was a cum for help. I've just been crying and cumming and crying and cumming. Tears from the tip of my penis, dudes.

  James Franco : I'm sorry, alright. You can cum wherever you want.

  Danny McBride : I don't even care about cumming anymore. Right now I'm just kind of into going.

• Danny McBride : [about Jay]  If anyone's raping Emma Watson, it's fucking Sir-Rapes-A-Lot over here.

• James Franco : You know what, Danny? If you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you would be more hydrated!

  Danny McBride : You're making me into a joke right now, Franco, and you are not gonna like the fucking punchline!

• Danny McBride : And then there's Jay: the self-righteous, cock-sucking, two-faced backstabber...

  Jay Baruchel : [flabbergasted]  What the fuck are you talking about?

  Danny McBride : I overheard your little conversation with Craig, alright? The only reason why you "care" about any of us is because you think that's what God wants you to do. You don't give a shit about us.

  Jay Baruchel : No, no, no, no, that's fucking twisting that shit around. You're fucking lying!

  Danny McBride : Am I twisting *this*?

  [pause] 

  Danny McBride : I believe you were in Los Angeles... TWO MONTHS AGO at the Four Seasons. I saw you there and you specifically asked me... NOT to tell Seth so that you could maintain the illusion that you *always* stay with Seth when you're in Los Angeles!

  Craig Robinson : Oooooooooooooooooooh Jay...

  Seth Rogen : What the fuck, man...

  Danny McBride : Textbook twattage.