- Haywood: [on speakerphone with Mrs. Grober] We're grateful for your linguistic services, but at this point Corben will just have to go it alone.
- Mrs Grober: Well then somebody has to call home. You must call his mother.
- Haywood: Mrs. Grober? Do you know... Mother?
- Mrs Grober: I certainly do.
- [Haywood eyes Larabee, who nervously shakes his head]
- Mrs Grober: And despite what you are saying, if I don't have Michael Corben by the end of this week, she is going to be one very unhappy lady!
- Haywood: Is that a threat, Mrs. Grober?
- Mrs Grober: French teachers do not threaten, Monsieur. They say, "S'il vous plait."
- Michael Corben: [while trying to get a guard to step on the exploding gum's trigger] C'mon, step on it! Double your pleasure, double your fun!
- Michael Corben: [receives his diploma] Sir, I just wanna tell you this has been the best four years of my life.
- Principal: Don't overwhelm yourself. The best is yet to come.
- [Michael opens his diploma to find that he had an incomplete French credit]
- Michael Corben: [shocked] Oh, no!
- Michael Corben: Thanks. Listen, I travel First Class all over the world and that was, by far, the best Julius Caesar salad I've ever had.
- 1st Class Stewardess: Well, it was my pleasure.
- Mrs Grober: [spots Michael; furious] Michael! Michael Corben! I know what you're up to. You are in big trouble, Mister! Excuse me.
- Ilsa Grunt: [shoves the crowd of people departing the plane] Out of the way. Move!
- Michael Corben: Can you help me?
- 1st Class Stewardess: Go quickly. I'll take care of her.
- Michael Corben: Mrs. Grober, there's no time to explain. But from now on, you are The French Teacher.
- [when Michael is fighting Zigesfeld]
- Michael Corben: Hey, your dick's on fire!... Made ya look!
- [Zigesfeld's glove rips off, revealing his robotic hand]
- Zigesfeld: Rrrrrrrrr!
- Michael Corben: Shit!
- [on the phone]
- Marge: Hello, Michael, it's mother.
- Agent Corben: Hello, Mother.
- Marge: Listen, honey, I forgot to tell you, pick up an extra bottle of Chanel when you go shopping, grandma will want one too.
- Agent Corben: Chanel? Shopping? Grandma?
- Marge: That's right. Michael, you sound tired, try to get some sleep on the plane.
- Agent Corben: Okay...?
- Marge: Bye, sweetheart, we miss you, sweetie.
- [makes kissing noises into the phone]
- [Mrs. Grober is attempting to reason with Zigesfeld, who has just kidnapped them]
- Mrs Grober: Look, this is all very fascinating, I'm sure, but, um, this is simply not on the schedule! You see, we were supposed to be in Dijonn this morning. You understand? Mustard land! And - and last night we were supposed to be in a eucastle in Straussberg...
- Zigesfeld: Shut up, you whining bitch!
- [Michael is on the phone with British Intelligence]
- Lt. Col. Larabee: Listen to me carefully, Corben. An operative will be meeting you on the plane.
- Michael Corben: Yeah, right. Gimme a break. I know who this is. If you guys are on a speakerphone, tell your sister she has nice tits.
- Haywood: Oh, really, Corben! We shan't do anything of the kind.
- Michael Corben: Not my French teacher. Listen, that woman's been on my tail ever since she spotted me at the first class counter in Detroit. You know what I think? I think she thinks she thinks she knows me, but I don't think I know her. But I think she knows my name. I think that sounds logical. What do you think? Can you think of somethin' to get rid of her?
- 1st Class Stewardess: Just tell her you can't think right now.
- Michael Corben: So basically, you want me to blaze down to Aurnberg, hang out for a while, right? And keep an eye on this Steranko guy?
- Vendetta Galante: More or less.
- Michael Corben: Uh-huh. In this car?
- Vendetta Galante: Good luck.
- Richardson: Yes. Godspeed.
- Michael Corben: So, I can drive this baby outta here right now, right? Without you guys?
- Richardson: Um... yes.
- [Ilsa has informed Steranko of Michael's capture]
- Augustus Steranko: Good. Don't kill him yet. I want to talk to him.
- Ilsa Grunt: Why do you want to talk to him?
- Augustus Steranko: I never get to talk to anyone.
- Ilsa Grunt: Talk, talk, talk! Talking is your tragic flaw, Augustus!
- Augustus Steranko: And you, Grunt, are singlehandedly killing the art of conversation.
- [Kent notices Mariska during the car chase]
- Kent: Look at that babe!
- Mrs Grober: Kent, stop looking at babes!
- [discussing the "other" Michael Corben]
- Lt. Col. Larabee: This operative has been living under an alias for the last five years, establishing, building and maintaining deep cover in the United States. Nobody knows what he looks like here. They don't know his age, race or background. All that we do know is that he is arriving on air Trans-At flight thirty-five departing Detroit tomorrow morning under the codename "Michael Corben."
- Haywood: Lieutenant Colonel Larabee's codename is... "Mother."
- [the board members all snicker]
- Haywood: Kelly?
- Kelly: Excuse me, sir. But it doesn't sound like the operative's cover's as deep as you think.
- Lt. Col. Larabee: Just exactly how do you mean that, son?
- Kelly: Well, sir, you said, "No one knows what he looks like." So, we know he's male.
- Haywood: Shut up, Kelly.
- Augustus Steranko: You! Who are you? Who sent you? How are you associated with Michael Corben?
- Mrs Grober: I-I'm Patricia Grober. I work for the Detroit municipal school system. Michael Corben is my student. Are you satisfied?
- Augustus Steranko: Don't toy with me, French Teacher!
- [Blade crashes through the window, surprising Steranko and Ilsa]
- Blade: Steranko.
- Augustus Steranko: Mr. Blade, I suggest you leave before you start an international incident.
- Blade: You mean like the one you're planning?
- Ilsa Grunt: If this is a business call, you'll need an appointment.
- Blade: Maybe next time.
- Ilsa Grunt: There will BE no next time!
- Michael Corben: I'm real sorry. I don't know what to say, y'know?
- Herb Corben: You don't know what to say? I'll tell you what to say. How 'bout, "Sorry, Mom and Dad, I would've liked to have graduated high school, but I couldn't really fit it into my dating and partying schedule," huh? Or, how 'bout, "Sorry but I was too busy doing jack shit instead of going to my French class!"
- Marge: Herb, take a pill.
- Richardson: Nasty business. I wonder how it happened.
- Michael Corben: The ticket. It had my name on it.
- Richardson: Of course.
- Michael Corben: I didn't wanna sit there.
- Richardson: Well, what else could you do?
- Michael Corben: Nothin'. I was just mindin' my own business, honest.
- Richardson: You're lucky to be alive. You know, if this was Spain, with their security, they'd have killed you for sure.
- Michael Corben: Listen, I'm an American citizen and I know my rights.
- Richardson: Oh, now, Corben, don't go asking for special privileges.
- Michael Corben: I wanna speak to the American embassy.
- Richardson: Relax, they already know you're here.
- Michael Corben: What'd they say?
- Richardson: They wished you good luck.
- [on the phone with the French Teacher]
- Haywood: We are fully apprised of the situation. It is best if you forgot whatever it is you thought you saw.
- Mrs Grober: But-But how can I? We are talking about Michael Corben!
- Haywood: Mrs. Grober, are you sure you're completely aware of the full import of this situation?
- Mrs Grober: Of course I am! I am the French teacher! God, I'm gonna kill that kid!
- Lt. Col. Larabee: Keep her talking.
- Haywood: Oh, that won't be a problem!
- [Larabee summons an aide]
- Lt. Col. Larabee: I want all references to the operative called "the French Teacher." You go back twenty years if you have to.
- [Michael is roughly escorted to dinner]
- Michael Corben: Careful, this is an Abaloney suit!
- Cell Guard: I know that!
- [one of Steranko's guards tosses Michael a suit]
- Cell Guard: Put that on. You're having dinner with Steranko in ten minutes.
- Michael Corben: Jerk. If he thinks I'm wearin' this army surplus reject, he can forget it. It's not my style.
- Mariska: Michael, number one, this is a very nice Armani suit. And number two, you have no style.
- Kent: Michael, look who's here. Melissa Tyler.
- Michael Corben: Well, if you want her, take her.
- Kent: What, and lose my geek status?
- Michael Corben: Look Kent, you're sticking with me, all right? In the daytime, we'll do the French bait. You know, look at the statues and crap. But in the nighttime when the nerd patrol crashes, it's you and me, pal, on a Parisian babe safari, ok?
- Kent: What about Grober? She must've went nuts when she found out you were coming.
- Michael Corben: Don't worry about Grober, I can handle her.
- Mrs Grober: [Snatches Michael's sunglasses] Don't count on it. I'm gonna be on your ass every minute of this trip. I'm gonna be sitting next to you on the bus during the day and checking your room at night. You'll barely be able to take a leak without being right behind you. In fact, I even took the liberty of booking your seat on the plane right next to mine. I didn't see you in class all year, Mr. Corben. And if you want that credit, it's not coming easy. So, we're going to make up for lost time starting right now.
- [hands Michael a French learning booklet]
- Mrs Grober: Repetez. Je-m'appelle, Michael Corben.
- [Repeat. My name is Michael Corben]
- Mrs Grober: Class, follow me.
- [the French Club follows Mrs. Grober]
- Mrs Grober: [to Michael] Repetez!
- Michael Corben: Repetez. Je-m'appelle, Michael Corben.
- Michael Corben: [in casino] Hey, you probably don't remember me. Red Lotus, a hundred and fifty miles per hour, ran me off the road. Twice!
- Mariska: Go away!
- Melissa Tyler: Oh my god, we're all gonna die!
- Kent: No, we're not! Corbin's here!
- Melissa Tyler: That's what I meant!
- Mariska: What are gonna do? Chew our way out?
- Michael Corben: Remember the gum that goes squirt? Well, this is the gum that goes boom!